I really don’t like average, maintainence, mediocere, or status quo.  I like over the top, excellence and the absolute best that can be done.  Simply reason for me I am a Christian what else can I do in response to all that He has done for me.

The last place you normally look for greatness is at a fast food business.  Most of the time the core values are price and speed without any serious thought for high end customer service.  The one major exception for me is Chic-Fil-A where I always see a culture that values people over pricing and not a common get you out the door mentality.

I have been a regular customer at one fast food place lately and about once a week I have interaction with this one person who is always very friendly and makes sure to call you by your name as you leave with big thank you.  Now that was all just nice because he was reading my name right off my debit card and that was more than usually get but still not really big deal.

That was until yesterday when I pulled up and he was in parking lot going home and I spoke to him about leaving so early.  Then he did it, a major nice response with my name right where it has always been and no debit card in his hand.  Wow, now I am impressed and big fan because he was going way beyond what is expected and taking it to max not at Ritz Carlton but at a hamburger stand.

In the impersonal high tech fast paced world we live in today you can really make a major impression by simply being nice to people and going the extra step to personally connect.  It always has been about giving that last 10% of effort that separates greatness from simply good.

Next time I go back I am going to get his name and remember it.  He has really inspired me and set the bar where it needs to be and I really hate just being one of the crowd.  I want to be like Him!!!!!!!!!!

The battle for our personal character is won or lost based on our integrity.  This means that there can be no hypocrisy between what we say we believe is important and what we actually are doing on a daily basis.  It is more than simply walking your talk becasue your talk is based on truth and core values that add value to others.

It is the keeping of promises and commitments to ourselves and then to others.  When you have it people can trust you because they know you are genuine, real and authentic.

Integrity is demonstrated in personal relationships with other people in two critical ways.  One is that we maintain confidentiality when dealing with others in matters where discretion is important.  Instead of using other people’s failures to get what we want we help them to get what they need.  In essence we never use their acknowledged weakness to hold it over them to get them to act in a certain way and we would never betray their trust by talking to other people.

We also make sure that we never fall into the trap of saying negative things about other people publicly that we have not first talked with them about privately.  When people hear you saying bad things about people who are not in the room, they know one day they will not be in the room either.  Being critical of other people in public never helps them and it creates a culture of positioning people in conflict with each other.

If something is not important enough to say to another person privately then it is certainly not important enough to criticize them openly in front of other people.

The real question is not will you leave a legacy but what kind will it be?  An even more important question is what do you want it to be?

It is amazing how proficient we have become in establishing clear and attainable goals in the business sector.  We can break down our plans into daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, annual, and beyond to ensure that we accomplish what we have determined is important.

I am convinced the reason we do not give the same amount of passion and excellence to our private lives is that we have never taken the time to define what is really important.  This lack of prioritization leads to a hope it all works out mentality that would not last for one week in the hit your numbers or else corporate sector.

Most people I have talked with over the years will tell you that in the end the personal part of their life that includes family and friends is really more important to them than the public part.  If so, then why this huge disconnect?

It all goes back to understanding Covey’s time matrix in Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  Almost everything in our public lives fits into the urgent category.  They demand that we respond even though many of the things we do every day are not really important at all.

The people we care about the most fit into an important category that is not urgent.  Ball games, piano recitals and dates with your spouse will not scream in your face but they are the things that make up your legacy.

Don’t wait for the heart attack or cancer, have the courage to take a major time out and define in very specific terms what really matters so that in the end you will leave this world a better place than you found it.

One of the most important character qualities of effective leaders is courage.  It is the ability to act in the midst of adversity and seemingly difficult circumstances.

Courage flows out of our core values as individuals because they give us clarity when we are in the midst of conflict and confusing situations.  When you believe you are doing the right thing for the right reason then you can make good decisions.

It takes courage to pay the price to change the culture of any organization because you know there will be resistance.  However, when you know it is the best interest of the people involved you can act with conviction because you know they will be benefited when the transition is complete.

It takes courage to admit you were wrong and did not make the right decision.  When people know you are keeping it real it will not cause them to respect you less but just the opposite they will trust you more as leader.

It takes courage to terminate an underperforming employee that is liked by everyone and who does not want to go.  You must believe that it will benefit your team and that it is ultimately for their good to get them to a place where they can be successful.

It takes courage to walk away from all the good things that you could be doing to concentrate only on the best things.  Leaders with courage can say no with emphasis although all the rest of the world is saying yes.

We hear a lot today about keeping our lives in balance and to some degree that is a helpful concept.  If we are concerned about family, career, emotional, physical, financial and spiritual needs we should make sure that one area does not dominate to the point that we are failing in most of the rest.

However, the concept of balance alone does not deal with the major issue in life and that is priorities.  In reality what good does it accomplish to have perfect balance only to find out later that we wasted our lives doing the wrong things that really don’t matter.

At the core of a character driven life is the conviction that when something makes it to the top of my priority list then I will do whatever it takes to make sure I have the time and resources to make sure it happens.  It’s all about determining on a daily basis what are key things that I can accomplish today that will support my core values and give me the greatest return.

For example, if I have neglected my health and have a heart attack then diet and exercise are probably going to move to the top of my priority list and hopefully will remain there for the rest of my life.  During the two to three month recovery period my health may consume half of my daily schedule and it makes no sense to try to maintain balance when crisis management is what’s necessary.

In my own life balance never leads to specific goals and measuring success.  In reality it’s a nice concept but it usually never produces lasting sustainable change.  On the other hand when I have set specific priorities with concrete objectives then my success rate goes dramatically higher.

Balance will not get me out of the bed in the morning to exercise, convince me to eat the right foods and take care of my body—Priorities will.

As Seth Godin points out we have all heard the expression winners never quit and quitters never win.  In real life that is simply not true because knowing when to quit something that is clearly not working is the secret to winning because it gets you one step closer to the one thing that you were meant to do with your life.

Many times we take jobs thinking that we have finally found the answer to what do I want to do with my career?  Many months later we realize that what we expected was wrong.  We should never quit just because the work is challenging and the people with whom we work are not the best.

However when you have done your best and the day to day responsibilities that you have been assigned are not bringing any challenge or lasting value then you need to find something that you can be passionate about doing.  Our work should be something we care about to the point that we look forward to going in every day because what we do really matters.

Sometimes we really like what we do but the team of people we are doing it with are merely takers and not givers.  They are out for number one and there is an atmosphere of backbiting , constant stress and negative criticism that drives the culture of the organization.  No matter how much you like what you do if you cannot enjoy the journey with the people you are doing it with it is simply not worth it.

Becoming a serial quitter for all the wrong reasons can be a fatal character flaw that will negatively impact your entire life.  Quitting for the right reason can be the best thing you have ever done because it can lead you to a brighter future.

We all want to accomplish the things that are really important in life and learn the discipline to walk away from everything else.  Most of us have not taken the time to write down specific goals in a life plan that involves everything personal, family, faith, friends and our professional lives.

So how do we know if we are just filling our schedules with things to do without any serious evaluation or if those are the things that should even be done at all?  We don’t want to get to the end of our lives and look back realizing that a lot of our time was totally wasted on things that don’t really matter.

A great place to start is to evaluate how we are spending our time and our money.  Calendars can tell us a lot about our core values and priorities because they reflect the choices we are making.  No doubt some of our time is not our own to schedule but how we are spending a large percentage of it reflects what is really a priority and what is not.

Are you making time for the people and relationships that you care about the most or are they getting the leftovers at best?  If you really  want to know take the time to track how you are spending your time for at least a month.  You will be amazed how much of it is scheduled based on what appears to be urgent at the time but in the end is not really important at all.

The next big indicator of what is a priority in our lives is to look at how we are spending our finances.  If we are living beyond our means and accumulating unnecessary debt then we have a major character problem that must be addressed.

More stress is brought into marriage by this one area than almost anything else.  The only solution is again to write down a budget that includes all of your expenses and then have the discipline to post all your transactions and make necessary adjustments to live within your income.

You may think this sounds like way too much work to me and I am already busy enough.  Trust me you are already using calendars and checkbooks anyway but you may not be gaining any of the benefits of leading your life instead of just letting it happen.

We are reminded in scripture that we brought nothing into this world and it is certain that we can take nothing out when we leave therefore having food and clothing we should be content.  This does not mean we should all take a vow of poverty and live in a monastery. 

We have all been given gifts and talents and we should with passion and excellence use them to the best of our ability to impact the world for good.  The point is that regardless of wealth or poverty we should learn to lead a life that is not driven by things that don’t really matter.

In Richard Swenson great book on Margin he list several characteristics of simple living that are helpful:

1.       Voluntary—If the simple life is forced, it ceases to be simple.  This is a choice based on core values not something that is demanded.

2.      Free—One of the key features of simplicity and at the same time, one of its principal advantages is that it is a life of freedom.  It is being controlled by that which is life-giving and refusing to be controlled by that which is destructive.

3.      Uncluttered—Emotionally we release our worries, we reconcile our relationships, we forgive our enemies and we begin anew each day.

4.      Creative—Life is not boring just because it is simple.  Simplicity sets the imagination free to work and to enjoy.

5.      Authentic—A simple lifestyle must distinguish between the spiritually authentic and spiritually inauthentic.  Biblical authenticity includes those things God has told us to focus on, those things that have eternal, God-assigned value: people, love, service, worship, prayer, self-denial, relationships, contentment, freedom, and rest.

6.      Disciplined—Restraint is necessary for successful living, and all the more for simple living.  Comfort is not a legitimate primary goal—authenticity is.

All Christians have made peace with God through their faith in Jesus Christ but all Christians do not live on a daily basis with the peace of God.  This kind of peace only comes as the fruit of a contented life.

This is the seventh in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives.  A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.

The first promise was I will sincerely listen to what you have to say.  Really listening to someone without a personal agenda communicates to them that they have value in your life and that you sincerely care.

The second promise was I will always tell you the truth.  Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.

The third promise is I will apologize when I am wrong.  When someone sincerely and genuinely apologizes we know two things.  They are willing to humble themselves and they want to restore their relationship with us because we still matter to them.

The forth promise is I will forgive you when you hurt me.  There can be no lasting peace in any relationship without the power of forgiveness.  This is even more critical when someone has come to us and sincerely apologized they are asking without saying it will you please forgive me.

The fifth promise is I will live with hope and believe the best.  Relationships are messy and there are always going to be times when people do or say things that upset us.  It is at that precise moment that we have a critical choice to make about how we process what we are hearing.  The bottom line is we will either choose to believe the best about the other person or we will assume the worst. 

The sixth promise is I will not manipulate change in you.  This deals with our core motivation when we interact with other people.  If our goal in sharing with this person is to only tell them what they are doing wrong and why they should be the one to change then we are manipulating. 

The seventh promise is I will always love you no matter what.  This lets the other person know that our love for them is not based on what they do or how they act but who they are as a person.

It in the truest sense it is unconditional love based on grace given and not performance earned.  This gives people the freedom to fail in their relationship with us without the fear of total rejection on our part because of some mistake they have made.

It is impossible to love someone in this way unless you have first received this kind of love yourself.  Once you have experience God’s love you have the capacity to pass it own to others.  You cannot give to someone else what you have not first received yourself.

I was attending a conference many years ago and heard for the first time this life changing quote, “You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.”  I made a commitment on that day to apply this principle in my life.

The people you meet part of this development applies to all of life.  There is great wisdom in finding people who know more than you do about your area of expertise or interest and asking them for a meeting so that you can learn all that you can from someone who has already been where you want to go.  Every year you should have a list of at least ten new individuals that are successful and willing to invest in your life.

Please do not limit this to your professional life because you can find people everywhere who are great spouses or parents or involved in church and community work.  Some of the greatest connections I have ever made were in the normal flow of life because I was always looking for someone who could teach me something.

In the area of reading I have found that for every ten books that I read on a particular subject I will find at least one that will permanently change my life for good.  These become the books that you read at least once a year just to remind yourself of all the truths that you need to make sure you are applying in your life.

One of the disciplines I have developed over the years is that I will write the power statements or great quotes on the inside flyleaf of every good book so that I can always go back for a quick review.  If you will set a goal of at least one new book a month to start you will be amazed by how much your life will change because as you read your capacity to understand and develop new skills will be exponentially multiplied.

I am sure if this quote were made today it would include some reference to the incredible amount of information on the web.  Today you can read blogs and watch videos by some of the greatest communicators on life’s most challenging subjects whenever you want and usually without any cost but your time.

All learning that enhances personal development is an investment in your future that will give you an incredible return on your investment.